Her mind went back in time to when she was a little girl and she had broken her arm falling off her bike, her mother had been there to kiss away the tears and tell her everything would be OK.
When she got her braces and was afraid that the kids at school would make fun of her, her mother had gently reminded her that, it didn't matter what the other kids thought. When she got the braces off she'd have the straightest teeth in school and she out smile all of her classmates.
When she had graduated in the top two percent in her high school her mother had beamed from ear to ear and had turned to the people sitting beside her at the graduation ceremony and had whispered to them," That's my daughter up there making that speech."
They had both cried when she'd gone off to school. Her mother had made her a batch of her favorite cookies and had left them in her dorm room for her to find after she'd left to go back to Arlington. Even though she was a very caring, sharing type of person, she wouldn't even share her cookies with her roommates.
When she had gotten engaged the first person she told was her mother. Her mother had liked Joe King, her intended and since her father had long since past on her mother gave her approval for the marriage.
She could remember how proud her mother had looked, that day in the bride's room at the church as she helped her daughter into her own wedding dress that she had worn some twenty-five years ago. The bride couldn't remember seeing a more beautiful matron of honor as she watched her mother walk down the aisle in front of her.
Her mother had been there for both of the boy's births and had been the proud grandma, spoiling her grandson's rotten.
Her mother had been there for all the happy times in her life and she had been there for all of the saddest ones. Including her divorce. She had been her strong rock through that period in her life and her mother moving in to help with the boys had been a God send.
She had to smile as she remembered all the times her mother tried to get her to find someone new, fixing her up with every new guy that came into the neighborhood.
She had kept so many things from her for the first 4 years of her relationship with Lee. How she had hated doing so, but as her partner had told her so many times, it was for her boys and her mother's safety that they didn't know what she did for a living.
When she had gotten married the second time her mother hadn't been there. It had been a secret marriage. She had hated sneaking around to steal some time with her new husband, but once again it had been for the best.
When her mother had found out, she had been furious. Her mother had wanted to plan the wedding. But, she liked her daughter's new husband so things had been right as rain in no time.
She wasn't sure when she had first noticed her mother's failing memory. It had been subtle things. Like a misplaced purse or forgetting what time she was suppose to meet them at Nedlingingers for a drink and then out to dinner. But, it had gotten more and more frequent. When her mother had wondered from the house in the middle of the night saying she was late for her flying lesson, Amanda had gotten worried and had set up a doctor's appointment the next day.
The doctor had done a series of test and Amanda dreaded what the doctor was going to tell her. She already knew what it was and the doctor just confirmed it for her.
She was glad Lee was with her when the doctor came back into the room. "I'm sorry Mrs. Stetson. Your mother is in the later stages of Alzheimer's disease. I'll put her on medication but, as you know she'll only get worse. It might be in her best interests to put her in a home."
The doctor had been well meaning but, Amanda had told in him in no uncertain terms that her mother would be taken care of her home.
Amanda had watched her mother decline to the point where her mother couldn't even do the basic things any longer. Things declined to the point where Dotty didn't recognize her grandchildren, but most heart wrenching was the fact that she didn't know whom Amanda or Lee were. Amanda would cry her self to sleep more often than not because she had not only lost her mother but she had lost her best friend as well. She didn't know what she would have done without Lee.
She finally had admitted that her mother needed professional medical help that she couldn't give he. She and Lee had found a perfect little nursing home just outside of Washington D.C. Amanda was at the rest home every day from the minute that visiting hours started until they almost had to kick her out at night.
Dotty had declined to the point where they had had to put her on life support. Amanda had found her mother's will and after the initial shock had worn off she had found Lee and told him of her Mother's wishes. The will had stated that she didn't want to be put on any type of life support. She didn't want to live out the rest of her days hooked to a machine that did everything for her. Lee had held Amanda as she had cried and poured out her anger at the unjustice of losing her mother. She was so young. She was only seventy-one years old. She was to young to be taken by this cruel, cruel disease.
"Dear God, it's me," Amanda started, "I know I haven't talked to you in a while, but, could you please tell me why you had to do this to my mother? She's never hurt a person in her life?"
As she vented her anger at God, a song came over the radio that changed her attitude
This is the woman who had all the answers;
The one I would lean on for comfort, for strength
She' s never forgotten one grandchild's birthday
Now she can't remember my name
And it makes me so angry, I shake my fist
And cry out to the heavenly one
Why would you play such a cold-hearted trick
I thought your job was to love
And the answer came down from above
She's gonna fly
When her time here is through
First she'll have to let go
Of some things she can't use
'Cause people and places, mem'ries and faces
are just to heavy, it seems
To carry on angel's wings
This is the women who saw things so clearly
The one who could pick out one crumb on the floor
She saw through a white lie, saw me through loves eyes
She hardly can see anymore
And it makes me so sad, and it just isn't fair
Why should so much be taken away
But, when I cry out for all that she's lost
I silently hear someone say
She's gonna fly
When her time here is through
First she'll have to let go
Of some things she can't use
'Cause people and places, mem'ries and faces
Are just to heavy, it seems
To carry on Angel's wings
And oh...the wonders she'll see
And I know she'll remember to watch over me
She's gonna fly
When her time her is through
First she'll have to let go
Of some things she can't use
'Cause people and places, mem'ries and faces
Are just to heavy, it seems
To carry on, Angel's wings
Amanda was in tears by the end of the song but she had a clearer understanding and knew that her mother would be better off. Even though it hurt her like everything she had to carry out her mother's last wish.
The doctor and nurse had come back into room and had told her the rest of the family was there. Amanda had nodded and said that it was time that her mother to be at peace.
As the family gather round, and the doctors disconnected their grandma, mother and mother-in-law from the life support that had been keeping her alive, Amanda had kissed her mother good-bye and said, "It's OK. I understand." Then softly she began to sing, "You're gonna fly, your time here is through; But first you had to let go of things you couldn't use; Cause people and places, mem'ries and faces; are just to heavy it seems; to carry on Angel's wings."