Disclaimer: These characters are the property of Shoot the Moon Productions and Warner Brothers, not me (sigh). I'm just borrowing them briefly for my story. I'm not making anything off this except for maybe the fun of entertaining people with my stories.
Author's notes: This is immediately after "Unfinished Business", and in my take on it, Lee has yet to say "I love you" to Amanda. I'm going by the production order rather than how it was aired. That said, I want to thank my beta reader Debby for all her help and encouragement. You rock! I hope everyone likes it, and feedback is very appreciated! Also, any ideas for future stories? I'm up for suggestion!
I brought flowers to his parents' gravesite today. He looked sad, but
there was, I don't know, a kind of peace there too. Like he said, the monster
had a face, and when the monster has a face, it's not the unknown anymore.
It's not as scary. He hugged me before we left, and I wanted to just hold
on to him and let him lean on me until the pain had passed. I told him,
I'm stronger than I look.
As I sit sipping hot chocolate with little marshmallows (and still no
one knows where I hide the marshmallows), I think over the past few days.
So much has happened. Lee found out that someone was trying to frame his
parents as double agents, he worked through his nightmare, he found a very
sweet letter from his mother, and he confronted the man who tried to frame
his parents and who ultimately caused their deaths.
But I find myself returning over and over to the time in Lee's apartment
where we used that drug so he could remember details of his nightmare.
Oh, I was so mad that he'd made me help him steal it! I hate having to
lie to Mr. Melrose. And I was really scared that something bad would happen
to Lee while he was under the drug.
Anyway, the thing that I keep thinking about again and again is what
Lee said just as we were starting. I asked him if he knew who I was. He
smiled, that beautiful dimpled smile, and said, "My Amanda." My Amanda.
What did he mean by that? My Amanda. Did he mean to say "My friend
Amanda" or "My partner Amanda?" Or did he mean something else?
Does Lee have feelings for me that are stronger than just partner or
best friend, or even girlfriend? I know we're dating, but he's dated so
many women…Did he mean "my" Amanda as in mine, belonging to me, the person
that I love? Oh, I really wish that he does. He is so much more than just
my partner, more than just my best friend, more than the man I'm seeing.
He is the person who makes my life complete. I can't begin to imagine my
life without him, and I really don't want to.
I'm not exactly sure when I began to love him. Maybe it was when he
gave me those Verdi opera tickets. It could have been when he trusted me
enough to tell me the real reason why he was acting like a burned-out agent.
It might have been when a giant stuffed panda was dropped off at my front
door. Or maybe it was the minute a handsome unknown man grabbed my arm
and asked me to deliver a mysterious package to a man in a red hat.
It was on the tip of my tongue to ask Lee what he meant by "My Amanda."
I really was tempted to have him tell me. I even started to ask. But you
know what? As much as I love the Scarecrow, I don't want something dragged
out of him. If Lee does have the same kind of feelings for me that I have
for him, then I want him in full possession of his faculties when he tells
The day Lee tells me he loves me, I want him looking into my eyes. I
want to look at him and know that he knows me, that he wants to say this
to me, that he loves me. If he says "My Amanda" again, I want him to say
it to my face. I want it to be something he knows and recognizes.
But for right now that's just my own wishful thinking. I want to believe
that Lee loves me. I've seen flashes here and there. Moments when he would
smile, or laugh, or the light would catch his eyes just right, and I could
see something there. Since we began dating, I've noticed that he takes
my hand more, that he gives me more of his special smiles. He opens up
to me so much more than he used to. We find ways to touch beyond just a
helping hand. We've even kissed for real, and it was such a powerful experience
for me. But so far, he hasn't actually said anything.
So I will wait. I will be the best partner the Scarecrow could ask for,
and I will be the best friend Lee could ever want. He is so special to
me, and I don't want to risk losing him in any way. I love him, but if
what they say is true, love also means being patient, so I'll be patient.
I hope, no, I believe, that someday he'll realize what he feels for me.
Until then, I will be happy just working with Lee, going out with him,
and being his best friend.
I think I'll go get more marshmallows. The ones I have are all melted