Disclaimers: Scarecrow and Mrs King is copyrighted by Warner Bros and Shoot the Moon Production Company. Typical lines, situations, clichés, etc are borrowed from SMK. Pinky and the Brain, Road Runner and Wiley Coyote belong to Warner Bros. Barbie and Ken belong to Mattel. "Bloom County" belongs to Berke Breathed.
Author's Notes: I'm not sure if this is would be called a parody
or a farce, I guess it is a crossover. Due to circumstances beyond my control
-- talk to PAX and their Grand Rapids affiiliate -- I am without my daily
dose of Lee and Amanda. Instead, WZPX shows WB cartoons. So, I've sort
of crossed them over. Don't worry about the time discrepancy, Pinky and
Time Setting: Mid third season.
The Corvette screeched to a stop in front of Acme Labs, it was a weirdly sinister looking building. Lee Stetson opened the door and climbed out of the driver's side, he walked around the car and leaned down towards the passenger window.
"Wait in the car, Amanda, while I go check this out." He knew she wouldn't go for it, but he had to try.
"No way, Lee! You don't know what you're walking into in there," Amanda King protested, "I'm your back up and I'm going with you!"
Lee decided not to resist, opened the passenger door, and assisted Amanda as she climbed out of the car. They gazed at the 10 foot high security fence surrounding the laboratory. Topped with three feet of barbed wire, it looked pretty invincible.
"Let's walk around, see if we can find a way in." Lee suggested. "Stay close to me," he added. Amanda nodded and placed a hand on his shoulder as they stealthily walked the perimeter of the fence.
"Lee! Look..." Amanda spotted a concrete culvert, it seemed to be some kind of drainage pipe for the lab. It was five feet in diameter, and looked passable. They needed to stoop as they started down the passageway created by the pipe, but were able to gradually straighten up as it seemingly widened in circumference. Luckily no foul substances were draining as they traversed the pipeline.
Lee and Amanda emerged from the culvert into a huge room. They looked around, tables with large cages towered over them.
"What the he..." Lee stared around him in bewilderment.
"Lee, I think I saw this in a Road Runner cartoon. See, Wiley Coyote was chasing the Road Runner and they ran into this tube, and as the tube got smaller, they got smaller, so they came out the other end of the tube only a few inches tall." Amanda explained, "I think that just happened to us!"
"Amanda, what are you talking about?" Lee stared at Amanda in bewilderment.
"Lee, look at you... you're about the size of a Ken(r) doll. And I'm the size of a Barbie(r) doll!"
Lee looked at her and smirked. "Not exactly!" Amanda slugged him in the arm.
"That's ridiculous!" Lee started to protest, but was interrupted by the approach of two white mice, almost as tall as they. One was tall and skinny, the other was shorter with a large head.
"Oh, my gosh! Rats!" Amanda exclaimed.
"We are not rats!" Protested The Brain, "We're laboratory mice bent on world domination!"
Amanda suddenly grabbed Lee's arm and dragged him a few feet off to the side (it may have only been inches, of course, they're only a foot tall themselves.) When he opened his mouth to protest this rough handling, she clamped her lips on his...
Amanda's arms reached up to encircle Lee's neck, one hand moved up his neck and she ran her fingers through his hair. Lee's arms encircled Amanda's waist, one hand resting on the small of her back, while the other moved up to hold her closer. They embraced for several moments, the kiss waxing and waning on a passion scale.
"Amanda... you... I... we..." Lee stammered when they came up for air.
"Pronoun trouble!" Amanda teased him, softly nibbling at his lower lip.
"What are you doing, Amanda???" Lee struggled against his own urges, to voice a protest.
"Scarecrow, look around you! We're about a foot tall, and we've been approached by talking mice! I don't know about you, but I think I'm dreaming. I just decided I might as well enjoy myself..." Amanda kissed him on the nose.
Lee glanced around the room, briefly. "Good point, Amanda..." Lee whispered as he recaptured her lips.
"Narfff!" exclaimed Pinky, "What are they doing, Brain?"
"As Berke Breathed once said, 'Lip mashing is an oddity of the human world'... or something like that." Brain stared in disgust at their visitors. "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
"Well, I think so, Brain, but you'd never get the team owners to agree to increasing their rinks to Olympic size, they'd have to remove some of the higher paying seats to do that."
"Uh- HEM" Brain cleared his throat loudly at the couple.
Lee and Amanda abruptly broke apart... coughing, nervously clearing their throats, adjusting their accoutrements, running their hands through their hair... basically anything but looking at each other.
"Um, yeah, right..." Lee struggled to compose himself. "Anyway...
"We're reporters from the 'Washington Blaze'. I'm Lee Steadmen and this is Amanda Kane. We came to hear about your new plan to take over the world." He whipped out a cover story to use with the lab mice. Amanda stayed behind him, clutching his hand. She didn't like rats... mice of any size.
"Finally!" Brain was pleased, "We're getting the respect and attention we deserve! This is my assistant, Pinky, and you may call me Brain. Walk this way..."
Brain led the strange group over to a table with a chain of paper clips hanging over the side.
"You've got to be kidding me..." Amanda muttered, gazing at the alleged ladder, and the table edge several feet above their heads.
"I know, I know," Lee murmured reassuringly in her ear, "Don't worry, I'll make sure you don't fall."
Pinky was the first up the 'ladder', to demonstrate how it's done, followed by Amanda who found the ladder surprisingly easy to climb. 'I guess I learned more from Station One than I'd thought!' she mused to herself. Lee and Brain were not far behind.
At one end of the table was a projection screen, at the other was a
carousel slide projector. Since it was normal size, it was huge. Alongside
the projection lens was a Barbie(r) Dream House sofa, the wired remote
was on the opposite side of the projector. Brain gestured for Lee and Amanda
to seat themselves on the sofa, Lee immediately put his arm across Amanda's
shoulders, and she took his other hand in hers.
"Ow! Plastic sofas are hard! Do we get popcorn?" She wondered. Lee gave her a warning look. Brain took up his position next to the projection screen, wooden matchstick in paw to use as a pointer. Pinky stomped the buttons of the remote to change the slide as Brain indicated. Amanda yawned and rested her head on Lee's shoulder as the show began. She traced the lines in the palm of his hand with her fingernail, wondering which exactly was the lifeline and if it looked long enough.
Lee watched in amusement, and with a certain amount of distraction, as the plan was unfurled. At the end of the presentation, which lasted approximately a half hour, he proceeded to explain to Brain just why, exactly, his nefarious scheme would not work.
"Poit!" Pinky exclaimed in disappointment, as Brain's face fell.
"Thank you for your time, Mr Steadman. I see exactly what you mean, that is one of the problems with having an insane lab mouse as a partner. If you're ever interested in leaving your profession as a reporter and becoming an assistant to a genius, please give me a call.
"Come, I'll show you the way out." Brain motioned to the edge of the table where the paper clip chain awaited their descent to the floor. Amanda roused herself and followed the group back down, whereupon Brain led them back over to the pipe they had used as an entrance to the Lab.
"Wait a minute!" Amanda protested suspiciously, "How do we know we'll return to our normal size as we go back through there? The Road Runner did, but the Coyote didn't."
"It's very simple," Brain explained patiently, as if she was a moron, which, to his mind at least, she was. "The Coyote is considered a 'bad guy', since you two are 'good guys' you will be restored, as the Road Runner was."
"Oh, OK... Just one more thing..." Amanda cupped Lee's face between her hands, and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. As she started to pull back, Lee put his hand on the back of her head to hold her in place as he gently recaptured her lips for another taste, not unlike the kiss in San Angelo that they never talked about. When they separated, Amanda took the Lee's hand and led him into the pipe. Grinning, Lee followed her, turning to wave 'good-bye' to the mice.
"Come, Pinky, let us go back to our cage and plan for tomorrow night." Brain commanded.
"Why, Brain, what are we going to do tomorrow night?" Pinky questioned.
"The same thing we do every night, Pinky! Try to take over the world!" Lee heard Brain exclaim as they faded from hearing.
Lee and Amanda emerged into the moonlight, restored to their normal size. "It worked!" they exclaimed, embracing happily. Hand in hand they walked back to the car.
"I'm just going to take a little nap." Amanda murmured. Her eyes closed and her head nodded to the side almost as soon as she fastened her seatbelt. Lee smiled at her indulgently as he put the car into gear and pulled away from the curb.
Lee pulled to stop around the corner from 4247 Maplewood. As he put the car in park, he gazed in admiration at the Sleeping Beauty in his passenger seat. She looked like an angel, her curls in disarray from the day's activities, her lips slightly parted. Lee resisted the urge to awaken her with a kiss, not sure whether he truly qualified for the role of Prince Charming. Besides, it just wouldn't be right to take advantage. He felt grateful to have any role in her life, even if it was just as a friend... He was glad he'd prepared dinner for her at his place rather than going out to a restaurant. For one thing, she was obviously exhausted. Plus, he enjoyed having her all to himself.
He reached over and gently stroked Amanda's cheek with his right forefinger. "Hey, princess, you're home!" he whispered.
Amanda yawned as she roused herself, then suddenly sat up straight. She turned her head, her wide brown eyes staring into his warm hazel eyes, as though searching them for an answer.
"Oh my gosh, Lee! I just had the weirdest dream!" She exclaimed "What on earth do you put in your couscous?"
"Really? You'll have to tell me all about it sometime." Lee grinned. "And I can't tell you that, it's an ancient family secret."
Lee climbed out of the car, and went around to open the passenger door and assist Amanda from the car. She handed him the car keys, which he never used to forget in the ignition before. He put an arm around her waist, guiding her up the driveway and around to her back door.
They stood together by the picnic table for a few minutes, gazing at the stars, reluctant to leave each other's company. "Amanda..." Lee whispered.
"Was I in your dream?" he couldn't resist asking.
"Um-hmm," Amanda murmured in assent, smiling mysteriously. "Thanks for dinner."
She kissed him softly on the cheek, and pulled away to let herself in the back door. She turned to wave good-night, and backed into the house, closing the door slowly. Lee smiled as he watched her disappear from sight, his hand unconsciously on his cheek.